I, Me and Myself

Monday, January 02, 2006

..........everything

i sat there on the chair. legs folded. wanting to stop any kind of feeing or emotion pass through me. held myself tight. said a nervous prayer in desperation. my ears were cold and i shut them to keep them warm.
the place was filled. crowded in fact. it didnot make any difference to me. all i could hear was a babble of sounds.
all i could think of was the effort and love put into it. this was my big night. i put my everything into this and i was sure it would pay. this was something i was waiting for, for a very long time. it was never coming back.
as the mans voice rose above the rest. i held my breath. after every ones voice died down, he pronuced my fate. i had lost.
in that moment everything went blank. i could not help not feeing anything at all. its a strange feeling not to feel anything. you just turn numb, indiffernet to everything. as the voices took control, i started to realise. suddenly i did not want to feel anything
i sat there on the chair. legs folded. wanting to stop any kind of feeling or emotion to pass through me. held myself tight. said a prayer in defeated desperation. my ears were suddenly very warm as the voices would not stop.
as someones hand sympathtically patted my head... i felt my eyes give way ... i could not stop the hot tears. i did not cry. i could not. but the tears would just not stop. like a dream you cant explain i sat there on the chair. staring ... straight ahead..into oblivion.
i had lost and nothing was going to change that.

Posted by vidi :: 7:02 AM :: 8 wisecracks:

Post / what they thought...

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