I, Me and Myself

Sunday, June 10, 2007

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I reach home. Permutation combination in a entrance exam was unexpected. The paper killed all hopes. Get home and mum tells me I should join another course. MBA. My married cousin with a kid was doing it. Cried. I was unable to do the only thing I am good at. Or thought was good at. My dream was lost and the heart felt heavy. More than anything my pride was stinging me. I had lost again and I cried, again.
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Stare into the signal. The traffic signal. The red is actually a cluster of small red dots arranged in a particular centric fashion. Stare hard enough and you can make flower petal patterns within the space. Stare harder and you eyes hurt with the sudden change in colour to green and you are forced to look away.
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Two years later, yet the feeling is familiar. The eyes rove about the room settling nowhere. The heart beat is gaining momentum and the anticipation is palpable. The eyes finally has found its mark with a wave of hand and a smile. I hold my breathe, look nonchalant and try not to make it too obvious by looking elsewhere before brushing my hand through air in acknowledgment. Play it cool is the keyword. (FYI: been doing that for two years now, so you now know how cool!)
Walk up to him and smile, try to acknowledge the others present by pretending to be interested in what they were doing with their lives! Who was I kidding?!
Few pleasantries later, my attention is undivided. Something I fail to realize for a very long time because I am rambling. I have not rambled so much in such a long time. About everything under the sun. The comfort is addictive and I realized how much I love to talk. Something I had forgotten in the near past! Despite thousands of strangers around us, me holding a half eaten pan and him holding on to his soup, it was never perfecter(sic).
Suddenly I realize there was nobody around us. Everybody got the hint and left us both alone. My face turns red and I try to play it cool. Ahem. He smiles and suddenly I don't have to.
***
Danny thinks all the blogs speak a single language of depression. The bubbly and enthusiastic bunch of graduates seem to be smiling only in the group photo taken on the last day of college on the lawn they loved to pick and destroy! The vermilion smeared on their forehead contrasted with their black outfits and white pearly sets. They were in mourning but showed no signs of it. They were living the moment of being together, of knowing each other. As if almost they all knew, tomorrow, they would go away, far away. Since when did we stop living in the moment?
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Little miss sunshine. The best movie I have seen in a very long time. The boy wants to become a pilot, he is on a silent oath only to realize he is colour blind. He can't become a pilot. He swears at his family. His "lessons on how not to be a loser" providing dad who is trying to hide his failures, his seven or eight year old sister who is fat, wears glasses and thinks she can win the Little Miss Sunshine beauty pageant, his heroin addict grandpa, his suicidal uncle who is in love with his student at college and a mother who is making through this family. He calls them for what he sees them as. They guide him back to a car that is on the move continuously as it won't start once stopped. They are family.

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A visit to the planetarium after 17 years! Very very long time indeed. The sky was picture perfect. The million stars as beautiful as ever. The Hubble space telescope that takes pictures in space and transmits them back to the earth showed millions of galaxies. After a decade, the scientists deiced to focus on a blank patch of the space, just to see what blank meant in space. A ten day long exposure sent back pictures of millions and millions of galaxies huddled in that 'blank space', unnoticed all these years by the astronomers. They were in vivid colours, brighter than many stars, created in the most imaginative shapes. They opened your eyes to how limitless the universe was. All thanks to the extended exposure of the shutter at Hubble.
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Posted by vidi :: 11:21 AM :: 17 wisecracks:

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