I, Me and Myself
Monday, March 27, 2006
one day i ll love again
only if they knew....
a part of me is gone
never to return its due
never knew my heart was kept
away in your hold
realised too late....
some things untold
but now its broken
and there s no hope...
one day i ll love again
:(
to my heart that is truly broken, i cant say anything, except i hope you heal soon.
Sunday, March 26, 2006
:)get tutored in the best school
this is followed by the best college
get a degree in english,
be particular on spelling english words right,
and even more on enunciation
proclaim to everybody about your optional english course
shine among less known relatives as a city girl who is "english"
come home hot, tired and sweaty
see a board that says
"no parking in frond of the gate"
find nothing wrong with it.
ahmmmmmmmmmm
home.
pattambi rocks.
:)
Saturday, March 18, 2006
the home i m leaving behindyour just a house and nothing more,
a decade is not such a long time
if you see that im twice that old....
i grew up here for the first time
4 4' then 4 8' and finally stoping at 5 0'
i fell in love here for the first time,
dreaming of a distant future,
in the silence of the night i held secret coversations
sometimes with a jobless friend,
sometimes with my computer
sometimes with myself
always getting scared at the smallest noise
mostly from the (non stop) chatt house next door
and the imaginary sound of anklets
(which i hear even to this day!)
i burned the mid night oil
and spent several sleepless nights
pouring over books and
walked around the house
what will i do this time?
i ran out when it rained,
the terrace was my place on diwali
the cold cold breeze, along with
the falling leaves of an age old concnut tree
i was the girl who stayed next to "ushus"!
with the egde in my backyard
what memories will i take back with me?
of leaving school?
or of becoming a graduate?
i turned 16 here, and then 18 and then 21
growing up to be the person i am
i came back here to my room with a broken heart
sobbing silently into a pillow
i came to the same when i won
i came to the same when i lost
the room still remains
i changed
i broke the door knob, the lock,
the window and a huge mirror
everything is replaced now.
just as it was before i came
they painted the rooms and hid the walls
that were disfigured with the memories of a little girl
who loved to inscribe her name, dreaming of a famous future
the long corriors echoed the sounds of the past
laughter, screams and sobbing alike
as i ignore its silent pleas of- don go.
the new tiles hid the old ones,
broken by the sudden zest to walk and study all night long
not to mention the dance performances it bore!
the old storage was cleared,
the old memories were gone
old secret places were found
new tears emerged.
i danced, i sang
i laughed, i cried
i was betrayed, i was hurt
i was elated, i was the victor
i loved
i lived
i grew
your are just a house now and nothing more
today i ll be gone
like u' ll be tomorrow
then you will not be a house any more
just a pile of rubble and debri
over the most cherished memories
of a lost girl.
dedicated to the ten best years of my life.
Friday, March 17, 2006
*WARNING*... this is by far the most boring and useless post i have ever put up.. but nevertheless, i will put it up cos i have nothing else o do as peole finish their work...and also it reflects how creativity can be curbed thanks to boredom....
well....
i m bored. its been two weeks since college came to an end.... or is it three....
so much has happened over this passed time...
i graduated...shit. (hey i got the spelling right!)
dad in hospital
my first interview
my first rejection
moving far far away
my second interview
my first acceptance:)
getting over things
taking walk down kundanhalli lane... (i can see certain people roll their eyes!)
dad finally getting a joke on Friends!!!!!!!
congratulating people on their engagement....(we are all growing old)
usuhs broken down to dust...sniff...
eating ice cream for five continous days
learning expectations is a shitty thing to have bout other people
working at the most chilled out place
(i also think radio dose not mean ugly people....
it jus means people filling their day with some work
while they chill out the rest of the time.... go WS!)
celebrating my first festival of colours
first time i ate holi powder!!!!!
two of my friends getting employeed....woweeee
one still stting without a bath :)
reading 80 posts at a strech.... shit my eyes hurt
finally watched porn!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! yeah!!!!!!!
went on a nervous wereck as i thought bout my future
every body moving on.
heard bout 5 million jokes on bird flu.... only none were funny.
contemplated running away from home.... still am planning seriously
and as i sit here at ws, waiting for spaz to finish his work..... bored to death (btw all fully paid and employeed people here have left except the hard working internee and moi!)..... i realise
like everything..... this too shall pass.
shitty post?
i think so to.
sorry, like i said... like everything, this too shall pass.
please bear till next post. promise it will be nicer.
ahaaaa..... boredom........
Monday, March 06, 2006
special mention to spaz(i changed name...) for taking off the time to update his blog with one hand while i was unable to do the same with two.... and for constantly reminding me to UPDATE!!!! more is on its way..... wait till u see that.... muahaa haa haaa....
:)
those promises meant for seven am sharp
always and truly religoulsy broken
the getting into shape
with extra mention for the fattest on the team:)
the amount of money spent by shetty getting to col
the super imagination of shamak as
he weasled his way through for coming late
poor poor dino for being the most dedicated
and waiting(sometimes for 20 mins) at my doorstep
shilps who managed odissi along with all the prop work
bakery boy makin cakes for us
ms dancer never turning up for decent practise
the no of entrance test given by puppy while dancing
... cat, xat, snap... to name a few.. kudos
the amount of weight lost by the fattest member on team!!!!
chingi screaming his lungs out
changing his mind faster than the wind
practise sessions with nobody and completely cheesed off
then everybody jumps on board and we feel we can conquer the world
the night before any show
all the reminders on phones to iron costumes
the knode rings, u pins and hair gel
me doing the hair, dipika lookin lost and shetty waiting till last
the make up and costume that untites us from outside
a last minute rush to brighten up the dull n dark people
a last minute advice to smile on stage no matter what
a last minute advice to shamak to keep inhaler on hold!
the admiratory glances
on looking so professional and poised
as we secretly brush off the dust
after triping over our own dhotis backstage
not knowing the bundle of nerves crackling inside
the walking in techinque.. with attitude,
not too little, not too much,
you dont want them to think of us as condesending
the strutting our stuff on stage
the music that always screws up....ALWAYS!
the screw ups that always happen
the blame game that always follows
the dissapointment and hurried rush to control tears
the victory and exctiment .. the not so hushed cries of joy
dino driving compared to shamak!!
the dhaba journey after every major show
the feeling of being on stage
of dancing on stage
of being asked.... " ur that team right?"
of being congratulated by friends and strangers alike
though the latter gives more pleasure
of seeing the pride and admiration
in the eyes of the people who matter the most
of knowing glory
of knowing fame
the sweet sweet success of being with the best
drishtikone rocks and rules.
here s to the bestest team in the world. cant believe its over. my foul weather friends.
i ll miss u more than u ll ever know.
shetty
dino
shamak
bangal babes
puppy
mats
jish (nayi)
c.a
chef
dancer
gaint
indo-chingi
..sniff.... dirstikone. (2004- )
dark and empty corridors greet your sight...
your in a rush as you pass by the lone watchman,
trying to catch a few winks, who helps u with the wheel chair
the only light that you can see is the one you choose to see
your mind is delirious
your heart thumping away
you wake up the doc from his deep slumber
u care not what anyone thinks
u run around...
around nowhere
the doc states the chances
as you have your fingers glued together in a cross
your desperate and final attempt to hope things will be allright
he says some things that dont add up
of a chanced of survial, of a chanced of recovery
finally signing off with his best wishes.
your ears are buzzing
it doesnt make any sense to you
you move around the hospital
floors, corridors, doors
stop at one....
hoping they will be the answer to your prayers
they state the obivious...
some relief spreads through you
and they unflinchingly ask
where is everybody else?
where is anybody else?
" how is a little girl like you going to manage?"
only if they knew,
this little girl had at that moment
stopped being afraid of the dark;
of listening to ghost stories at night:
of being alone....
she had faced her ultimate fear
in that moment....
the little girl had grown up
as the calls started pouring in...
as the room started getting filled
family, friends, accuqaintances, strangers
all sympathetic, questioning, and emotional
the room was suddenly teeming
too full ...
and i sat in the corner
feeling more alone,
than ever.....
wHaT yOu ArE rEaDiNg HeRe
About Moi!
aT tHe mOmEnT
sO yEsTeRdAy
tHe FrIeNdShIpS
the original duck-walker :)
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since may 23,2007
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