I, Me and Myself
Tuesday, January 24, 2006
the last danceYIPEEE.... it s 8 in the eveing and in two hours i will be officially running away from home.... iit chennai .... plans were made all of a sudden and every body jumped on board... dancing most probably for the very last time under college.... sniff.... still i m going away and almost nobody knows....
we may not be taking too many places.... but we sure are going places...
go dristikonde
heres to our our last time
cheers
one more month and we 'll gradutae
no more things about college to love or hate
one more month and well all be gone
and no more will we belong
one more month and christ will be history
unwillingly, unwantedly very free
one more month and we ll walk the asile
that will take us on a new mile
one more month and all will be memories
the kiosk, naresh, and all the newsletter worries
one more month and we ll say our last goodbyes
hoping and praying.... we wont cry
for all the sorrow in our hearts, time wont wait
one more month... and theres no turning back towards the gate
Tuesday, January 17, 2006
lightso the year started of in a very pissing off manner. the big loss (yes it will take me some more time to get over that), then just everything else not going my way, things turning out to be worse than expected.... it was all a sign. my days of good fortune had long left my side and i was left trying to feel the grasp of the lonley life that surrounded me.
everything manged to piss me off. my college, my non existent eductaion, my even more bleak and non existent future plans, my friends.... every body. at the end of a hard day i was left with nothing but dissapointment. i din know what i wanted and so i dint know what to expect.
i was upset and was tired of searching for my share of happiness at every nook and conrner, at every innocent smile and at every undecidable action.
dint i deserve to be happy. where was the siver lining behind this big huge dark cloud of gloom. where was my happiness.
then suddenly, how the clouds came, they cleared. the sun shone through and lit up everything. it was a small crack, through which a faint beam of light struggled to stay alive. struggled to give me my share of deserved or undeserved visibilty. it was a small light that was in no match to the amount of darkness that surrounded me and yet ironically, there was not enough darkess to over come that faint beam of struggling light. and through it all ... i could see...through the gloom, faint outlines of hope were formed.
its never going to be fully lit up. it about knowing how to use the light.
Thursday, January 05, 2006
wen we have bad luck.... why do we have so much of it??????
Monday, January 02, 2006
..........everythingi sat there on the chair. legs folded. wanting to stop any kind of feeing or emotion pass through me. held myself tight. said a nervous prayer in desperation. my ears were cold and i shut them to keep them warm.
the place was filled. crowded in fact. it didnot make any difference to me. all i could hear was a babble of sounds.
all i could think of was the effort and love put into it. this was my big night. i put my everything into this and i was sure it would pay. this was something i was waiting for, for a very long time. it was never coming back.
as the mans voice rose above the rest. i held my breath. after every ones voice died down, he pronuced my fate. i had lost.
in that moment everything went blank. i could not help not feeing anything at all. its a strange feeling not to feel anything. you just turn numb, indiffernet to everything. as the voices took control, i started to realise. suddenly i did not want to feel anything
i sat there on the chair. legs folded. wanting to stop any kind of feeling or emotion to pass through me. held myself tight. said a prayer in defeated desperation. my ears were suddenly very warm as the voices would not stop.
as someones hand sympathtically patted my head... i felt my eyes give way ... i could not stop the hot tears. i did not cry. i could not. but the tears would just not stop. like a dream you cant explain i sat there on the chair. staring ... straight ahead..into oblivion.
i had lost and nothing was going to change that.
wHaT yOu ArE rEaDiNg HeRe
About Moi!
aT tHe mOmEnT
sO yEsTeRdAy
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the original duck-walker :)
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since may 23,2007
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